Just Go to Sleep, Can't you?

There is nothing worse for a tired parent than a child who won't go to sleep or

keeps waking up during the night. Most parents can cope with one or two nights

with little or broken sleep but after that tempers fray and the situation gets more

tense. It is helpful to know that sleep problems are very common during the first

few years of a child's life. The problems can be failure to go to sleep, refusal to

sleep in the child's own bed, waking up in the middle of the night, nightmares,

sleepwalking and even night terrors. 

Children vary according to how much sleep they need and how long they take to

fall asleep. Some children wake very easily and resettle quickly, others wake and

stay awake for the rest of the night, spending the next day being tired and grumpy. 

As a parent, it is important to develop good sleep habits at an early age and the

good news is that most sleep problems can be sorted out quite easily. The most

helpful thing you can do to begin with is to work out exactly what the problem is

and then ask, try the suggestions below. Make sure you write down the answers

to the questions below so you can look back at them after you have tried out

some of the suggestions. It is also easier to see patterns and links when the

information is written down. If things don't improve after a few weeks, seek help

from your GP who can refer you onto a specialist. 

What is happening? 

1 Where does your child go to sleep and continue sleeping e.g. starts off in their

bed and ends up in yours!

2 How much sleep does she usually get each night?  Record a week at least to 

see what the pattern is. Note what time she goes to sleep and what time she 

wakes and how long for. 

3 What time does she go to bed and how long is it before she 

goes to sleep? 

4 Does the child have a bedtime routine, if so what is it? 

5 Does your child have a night time cuddle to help her to 

fall asleep or does she listen to a tape? 

6 What time do you go to bed? - note this on the same 

sheet as the child's sleeping and waking patterns as 

there is often a link.

7 Can the child go back to sleep herself or does she need 

you to tuck her in etc.?

8 What time does she wake in the morning, do you wake her or 

does she wake herself? 

9 Is she still tired in the mornings, does she flag at lunchtime etc? Does she still 

sleep in the day? 

10 Are there any particular stresses at home or at nursery/school? 

Once you can see what is happening and have the information written down it is

much easier to work out what to do and to decide if the changes you make are

successful. 

Establishing good sleep habits

As children get older they tend to need less sleep and they usually sleep for

longer. However, each child is different but it certainly helps if you can:-

• Stay calm and keep your child calm, particularly if they wake up in the night. 

Don't talk to her or turn the light on if you can help it. Just settle her back into 

bed as quickly as you can. 

•  Have a quiet winding down session

before bed. In most families this is

bath time or story time. Try not to play

active games with your child

just before bedtime and it is often

best to avoid TV or videos late at night. 

•  Try to have a consistent routine no matter where you are so that if you are 

staying with friends or away on holiday the routine can go with you i.e. a snack,

a bath, story and sleep…

• Many children are reassured by having a favourite 

bedtime toy, particularly if they wake up in the night. 

• If your child does wake up, avoid reading stories or 

playing as children are good at waking themselves up 

for treats like this. 

• If your child wakes check the temperature in the room, 

leave a drink out in a beaker that will not spill if it is 

knocked over, check that they are not feverish etc. 

• Don't let children sleep as much during the day if they 

are waking at night.

• Encourage your child to learn how to relax and settle 

herself to sleep. Rocking children to sleep can make 

them dependent on you for a long time to come if it 

becomes a feature of their regular bedtime routine. 

• Don't race into your child as soon as they wake unless they are really 

distressed. Give her a few moments to try to settle herself. You need to 

encourage your child to turn over and fall asleep on their own. 

• Most toddlers and pre-schoolers need about 10 to 12 hours sleep. If your child

is having less than that on a consistent basis and seems tired during the day 

you should seek some advice from your GP or Health Visitor. 

As children get older they tend to need less sleep

Coping with nightmares

Most children have nightmares, usually about scary monsters and other

frightening things. Often children will seem anxious, fearful, breath rapidly and

even sob hysterically. It is important to reassure your child that this is just a dream

and not real, to give them a cuddle and settle them back in bed with something

to cuddle. Be calm, listen to them if they need to tell you about the nightmare but

try not to ask them about it. 

Most nightmares happen in the early hours of the morning when parents are in a

deep sleep. Try to stay calm and reassuring, even if you feel very irritated as

getting cross with a child is only likely to keep them awake for longer. Often

children will have more nightmares if there is something stressful happening at

home, school or nursery.

Does you child talk in their sleep? 

Most children talk in their sleep sometime but some children talk very frequently,

particularly if they are disturbed when in a deep sleep. Usually the child will talk

for just a few seconds then go back to sleep again. Often what they say does not

make sense and their voice can sound quite different, almost as though they are

talking in a monotone voice. 

Keeping sleepwalkers safe

Sleepwalking is quite common for children aged 5 to 12 years of age. In fact

almost 15% of children that age will sleep walk at some time. Interestingly more

boys sleep walk than girls, though no one understands why this is. The most

common time for a child to sleep walk is usually 2 or 3 hours after they have

gone to sleep. Fortunately, that means that most parents are still awake. You can

be re-assured that children rarely sleep walk later than this in their sleep cycle.

However, it is important to make sure that you minimise his chance of hurting

himself so don't leave things on the stairs etc. 

Night Terrors 

These can be very frightening for children and parents as the child usually sits up,

opens their eyes, screams loudly and thrashes about. Your child might breath

rapidly, his heart may be racing and you may not be able to comfort him for

sometime. Night terrors have been known to last for up to an hour by which time

most parents are getting very worried. Fortunately, night terrors only affect 1-5%

of children and usually happen about 1 to 3 hours after falling asleep so usually

parents are still awake. Most children outgrow these terrors without needing any

help. If they continue for a long time, you should seek advice.

David Hunt

Managing Director, 

(taken from Tumbletots magazine.